Yesterday was without a doubt, one of the hardest days ever for us here in the Andersohn home. My family and I attended my Father-in-laws Memorial Service. Neither my wife nor I have ever lost a parent, so this has been a most difficult time for us and our family. FRED WAYNE HILL passed away on Valentines Day. It has taken this long for us to grieve and to deal with the emotional and physical loss of a great man.
Fred was born in Naples, Texas on August 9th, 1936 to Robert and Mattie Hill. He and Linda Lee (my Mother-in-law) were married August 27th, 1955. They had three children, Cheryl, Debra, and Fred Jr. Fred loved fishing, and he was also very accomplished at his much loved hobby, woodworking. Fred drove a truck for a living and tried retiring twice, once from Insured Transporters, and finally from Biaga Brothers. His favorite song of all time was "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. He loved camping, travel, and spending time with his family and friends more than anything else on earth.
Losing anyone in life seems so unfair, but to lose your Dad is earth shattering. In his last days, we were fortunate to visit him many times in the Hospital. My wife and I had the chance to talk with him, laugh with him, share their memories of the good times, and come to terms with the not so good times. This was a blessing for both my wife and her father, and for me too, since I got to be there to witness all this.
Though Fred had been my father in law for more than 12 years, I felt that we never really got the chance to be close. For whatever reason, we just never really made the time to connect and spend time together. Our relationship was more of a cordial one, only visiting during Holidays and on special occasions. I wish I had made more of an effort to get closer to him and share more of our lives together.
On my last visit to the Hospital, my wife and I were ready to leave, and I did something I had never done before. I hugged Fred, and told him that I loved him. This was the first time he ever hugged me back and said I love you too. It was always just a hand shake and a smile. For the first time in our history, I felt like all the walls and barriers that had been built up over time, came tumbling and crashing down.
This was a very special moment that I will remember always, my only true regret... I never called him Dad.
So with that, I want to say... Fred, you were a good man. You worked hard to provide for your family and raised three beautiful children. You loved your wife and family, and you showed it through your actions and not just your words. You set the standard high for being a good "father!" You also made me realize and learn a very important life lesson, to never wait that long to tell those you care about that you love them.
So until we meet again one day, may you rest in eternal peace and comfort. You are loved and will be warmly remembered and missed by all. Goodbye "Dad"
Brad, I was sorry to hear of your loss. It is always hard when you lose a loved one that you are close to. This, is a great tribute to him.
Hi Brad... I am sorry to learn of your loss, but you have written a beautiful tribute to your father-in-law. It sounds like despite having not said certain things that he somehow knew what was in your heart, and that is the most important thing!
What a wonderful opportunity you had to connect - and you took it, Brad. Have no regrets.
I'm sorry for your family's loss. Please let your lovely wife know we are thinking of her. Much love to you all.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost three years ago on fathers day. It was also a very difficult time for me and my family. He was always my rock. He would be one of the first I would call for anything, weather it was exciting or troubling time for me. I wish I could say something to ease your family's pain. The first year was the hardest for us. Just spend time with family, and god bless.
Brad - Thank you for sharing such a wonderful tribute. You probably don't realize yet how you will cherish that hug and 'I love you' over the years to come! The worse thing that can happen after we lose someone we love is to have the regret of never telling them how we felt. Bruce and I were attending a program on hospice the other day and learned 5 things that people who are ill want. Three of the 5 are that they want have their families with them, to have the chance to tell them that they love them and to say 'I'm sorry.' You are very fortunate to have had a wonderful father-in-law and friend, too. Thanks for sharing!
Mary
Brad, what a nice tribute to this man, and "dad." Deepest sympathy to you and to your wife and family in this very difficult time.
Brad: What a wonderfully heartfelt and transparent post. Thank you for sharing so openly these intimate parts of your life with us. This is a great wake-up call for us to seize/embrace each day, and to ensure that we express love to those who are most special in our lives.
Brad, I lost both my mother and father in law in the span of 3 years and it was awful. I have not lost my own parents yet, so I can't even fully grasp the death of a parent. You wrote a beautiful tribute to him and you learned something about yourself.
Hi Brad...This is the first time I've read about your family's lose.
I am so sorry but happy that the love you felt for your father-in-law moved you to tell him so and to hug him. This must have meant so much to your wife and will be something the two of you remember forever.
Thank you for letting us share your lose with you.
Take care,
Kate
So sorry to hear about your loss. Anything you need, anything I can do - you just let me know.
I could tell you the story of how I lost my Father and my Father in Law but this isn't the time or the place.
Thinking about you!
MM
Brad, sorry for your loss, I lost my Dad back in 1990, and I now care for my mother who has Alzheimer's. Watching one parent die and the other one slowly slip away from being the person she use to be is very hard. I can empathize with you on what you are going through, God Bless.
This is a beautiful tribute to him and I am certain he knew how you felt. You are right, losing your father is earth shattering. Do what ever you have to do to get through the next few weeks. My father and father-in-law both passed in 2002. Time makes it easier.
Brad, Debra and family:
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. May God bless you all as He has taken "Dad" into His hands. If there is anything I can do, or anything you need ... please let me know.
My heart goes out to you.
Nice tribute Brad! I know how hard it is to lose a parent and the importance in being there by their side for their last few days. Even if no words were exchanged, he would have known and felt the love! They have left us for a better place, but are never forgotten! They come back to you in every little memory and in your dreams. My Dad was a nature lover and knew his birds. Whenever I see an unknown bird, Dad creeps into my mind! He wore hearing aids and everytime I stand in line at the pharmacy and see hearing aid batteries...Dad creeps into my mind! Thank goodness for memories so they can live on forever in our hearts and mind! Deepest sympathy to you and your family!
Beautiful tribute Brad. The worst part of getting older is missing those who have moved on.... but sometimes those lessons enable some of us to enjoy every day as if it may be our last, because it could be! Thinking of you....
Brad
So saddened by your loss. I cannot imagine your grief and sorrow at the passing of your dad. (And I am afraid I will face that loss soon. Both my parents are 84 years old).
There are many of us who are sending you their prayers in the hope that you will find comfort in the outpouring of the sincerest condolences.
Take care.
Brad - What a touching post. How wonderful that for that brief moment you and Fred were able to connect on a new level. And, you will have time to build on that in eternity, for I know you and Fred shared something else in common and believe that you will see one another again.
God Bless,
Marlene
Brad,
Thats beautiful......Thanks
Love to u and deb and the kids.
Cheryl
Brad -what a wonderful tribute to a man you love, respected and was a dad to you. So sorry for your loss. Both of my parents passed away last year and it does take the wind from your sails. Each day I begin with a nice memory of them to start my day and try to laugh about the little things we would chuckle over. A loss of a parent is one that you cannot understand until you walk those shoes. Hope you will honor him with great memories and keep him alive through special remembrances.
This was a very touching post to read about your father in-law. Our thoughts, prayers and warm wishes are with you and your family. My father in law was the first of our parents to go just a couple years ago. It was a very hard time for all of us - coming to terms with our parents passing on. You are very blessed to have had those days with him. I wish we had that, but Harold was far away when his time came suddenly.
Remembering the good times and sharing out-loud is healthy and keeps their memory alive.
Brad, Thank you for sharing such a private and emotional moment with us with such honestly and introspection. It is important to grieve the loss of a wonderful father, grandfather and person. He will live on in ways you will never know but his impact has clearly been special and deep.
I'm glad you got the chance to hug and tell him I love you. I do believe at times such as that...it means so much.
I am so sorry for your loss. May your hearts be comforted and blessed by the memories you shared during his last days together. This was a wonderful tribute and an inspiration to all those who read it. Thank you for allowing us to be a part. God Bless You and your family!
Brad --- I'm very sorry for your loss --- what a beautiful tribute to your father-in-law - "Dad"! I have lost both of my parents and both of Boyd's parents. It is extremely difficult --- you have the memory of the hug and I love you.
Brad, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Father in Law and express my sympathy to Debra on the loss of her dad.
As always a good message for us mixed in with your transparency.
Brad, Debra & boys,
With love and sympathy for your family's loss! What a wonderful tribute! Brad you are a good Dad yourself and a wonderful guy as evidenced by your loving wife and sons. Debra's Dad will live on in spirit through Debra and I'm sure is smiling over everyone knowing he left her with another great Dad to take care of things. God Bless you and your family! XO
Brad sorry to hear about your loss buddy. Losing a close family member is really tough. This is a very nice tribute and I am glad you were able to get a little closer to your father in law.
Brad your post was very touching and a great reminder that we should show our appreciation and affection to our loved ones. I am now in my 50's and very fortunate that my husband and I have all "4" parents still living. I can only imagine what you and your family are going through. My deepest sympathies.
Brad, I had heard about your Father - in - law at the REtech South meeting. I lost my mother 10 years ago. Loosing a parent is so different than loosing anyone else. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family has been in my prayers since Thursday. What a beautiful tribute to him.
Touching tribute brother Brad. You clearly got across in a humble manner what your father in law really meant to you, and it is sooo great that you had that 'moment' with him at the hospital.
.... those are the 'moments' that stay with you forever, and always will give you some peace when you think of Fred.
Your last 2 paragraphs got me quite choked up, and they are good reminders that life can move so fast, and we must always take opportunities while we are here - even if it's just to tell someone you love them.
Thanks for your courage to share this Brad.
Sheldon
Brad,
One of the toughest things that we do is to say goodbye to a parent, I know I have had to say good by to both of mine and both of my wife's parents.
My prayers are with you and your family sir.
Brad & Debra - My thoughts are with you & your family in this sad time. You are very lucky to have had that time with him and tell him you loved him. This is a beautiful tribute to him and your family.
Hi Brad: I'm so sorry for your loss! I will be praying for you, your wife and your family! I know this is a difficult time for you, especially since he was such a great man! You've written a wonderful tribute to him.
Praying and Thinking about you,
--Anne Rains
Hi Brad,
What a beautiful tribute to your father-in-law. My condolences to the family.
I'm very sorry for your family's loss, Brad. My Dad passed away 7 years ago last month. It was the most painful day of my life. I'm happy for you that you had that moment of connection.
Debi
Brad - please accept my condolences to you and your family. Your words touched my heart and I had tears in my eyes...Thank you for sharing your very personal feelings...Your new "DAD" is watching and is glad that you are richer by one more lesson...
Bo
Brad, I'm so very sorry for you and your family's loss. You wrote such a beautiful and touching tribute. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad to hear that you hugged him and told him you loved him and that he told you back. It's never too late! I'm sure he was so proud to have you as a son-in-law!
I've had far too much loss to talk about right now, and I know how much it sucks. My Mom is in the hospital now and I can't even stand thinking about losing another family member.
Thanks for sharing your tribute with us. It was beautiful.
Brad: There is something very hard about losing a parent. Somehow the barrier to your own mortality slips away from you when that happens, and that is so devastating.
A few years ago when my husband had a heart attack I was so upset that I fell into my father's arms and sobbed. I realized then what a blessing it is to have my 80+ year old father, still healthy, to comfort me, to take charge, and to let me be the child one more time. There is no other feeling in the world like that.
I am so sorry your wife will never have that again, and hope both of you will hold on tightly to your memories of Fred!
Brad...our thoughts and prayers go out to your family!
I lost my Dad back in 1994, and life has certainly been different. I miss the chance to call and ask for his advice, but I know he's watching and trying to help in any way he can.
God Bless!
What a wonderful tribute to your father in-law. My condolences to you and your family.
Brad, so sorry for your loss but glad you were gifted with the opportunity to spend time with your "Dad" the last few weeks of his life. What a blessing for him that he had his loved ones near him at the end and that you all had that chance to express your love and appreciation.
Brad, tell your wife that our prayers are with both of you. I lost my dad in 1997, and it is a tough thing to go through. I have never 'gotten over' it, but I have learned to accept it... that actually came fairly soon. The important thing for me is that there wasn't anything unsaid between us, so I knew that he was aware of how much I loved and respected him. It sounds like you had the opportunity to pass along your feelings, and that is a wonderful thing.
Brad - what a lovely tribute. Our thoughts are with you and your family during this time. He will remain in your hearts forever. Best wishes.
I am sorry for your loss and your wife's. I have not lost a parent yet. They are elderly and their health declining so I know it will happen one of these days. I have thought about it but I know the reality will be something else. I lost my sister unexpectedly and that was devastating. . . it is a part of life but none the less difficult to accept. What a nice tribute - thanks for sharing.
Brad IS a great husband and he has been so wonderful to be there for me through all of this. His tribute was beautiful. I am thankful that we were able to be with my dad his last weeks and that Brad and him were able to get closer in the end. When death is near, all that really matters is having the ones that you love close by.
Though my own childhood was not perfect, those last days with my dad were precious and brought to mind the good times in my life with him. Death is a part of life yes, but it's never easy. With your love and prayers, I find strength, and again I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
Debra
I'm so sorry for you and your wifes' loss. But it sure sounds like God had a divine appointment for you at your last encounter doesn't it?
I pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort and counsel your family in the days and months to come... And we know that He'll be faithful to do just that. Because that's exactly what God says He sent His Spirit to do... comfort and counsel us. And God doesn't lie. I hope you can find at least some comfort in that. I know it can't replace the loss of a loved one, but I hope it will help.
Hi Brad and Debra, I am so sorry I missed this post and please know that I send my most sincere sympathies to you both and your entire family. Losing a love one is perhaps one of life's most difficult experiences. I am sure that he knows that you celebrated his life and cemented your love and bond to each other for all eternity.
With Sincere Sympathy,
William
Brad I feel for you and your family. Emotions are hard to express sometimes and we often learn too late that it is OK to let someone past the barrier we set between ourselves and the world. At least you have the moment whe you opened up and let him know and more improtantly for you you learned he loved you too! Peace to you all as you pull things back together.
Brad, my sincere sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your father-in-law. God bless you and yours.
Brad:
Your pain is obvious in your post; and most of us who are old enough to have lost one or both parents understand. My father died 10/13/07 and I think I will always feel the loss, although acceptance is there as well. The same is true after my mother died 1/28/2001. We all (sibblings, extended family & community) worked hard to help dad with daily living after mom died. He was lost after that as they had a 60+ year marriage. The loss of a loved one is never easy and only time will ease that pain for your wife, you and the family. May the treasured memories you have of him sustain you and your family in your sorrow.
Brad,
Nothing anyone can say will make this easier, Your tribute is touching and wonderful. I'm sorry for your loss.
Brad-a beautfiul tribute to your father in law and a reminder to all to express your feelings to the ones you love. This month is the anniversary of both my husbands and my fathers passing so the reminders are all around us as to how precious life can be.
Brad, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know you or any of your family, but from this post, I would bet that the two of you were closer than you think. Thanks for sharing your difficult time and this moving story with us.
Brad, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. A very nice tribute. I lost my Dad last June so I understand how tough this is for Debra and your family. Your family will be in my prayers.
Brad, I'm sorry for your loss. Mourning is part of the healing and it's okay for you to feel the hurt. We all have regrets in our lives and we live and learn.
Brad - My condolences to you and your family. Its never easy, but the tribute to him will help ease the pain. Sometimes just talking about the person openly can change things for the better.
Beautiful. You write so well. Your tribute is something to be proud of! You and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Death is so very hard for all of us...always! Fine confort in your memories.
~Alisa
Alisa Stone Herring, CRS, GRI
Broker/Owner
Stone Real Estate Group LLC
850-596-2456 Cell
www.thebeachpeach.com
"The Georgia Peach that Sells the Beach"
Brad, We're so sorry for your family's loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your father in law. I woke up this morning to read your beautiful words and heartfelt sentiments. Please accept our condolences. Olga and Sharaé
Great tribute to your Father-in-law. You and your family are in my prayers.
Brad and Debra, I am deeply sorry for your loss. It's a blessing that you got to spend time with him during those last weeks. My Dad passed away 6 years ago last friday. It was especially appropriate that he passed away pn the 1st day of spring since he was a master gardener. It's a gift actually. When I see the first crocus I think of my Dad. Peace ~ Marian
Thank you so much for all your love and support here, the members and friends on AR just can't compare, they are simply the best! My wife and I thank you all from the bottom of our hearts, and our kids do too, you've all been there for us through some of the greatest and worst times in our lives, and we love you all the more for it. We are truly blessed! Thank you again, and again... :-)
Brad - Very sorry for your family's loss. I lost my brother (46) last year. I empathize the loss. He left a wife and 2 school age children. Time is short but it aids in the healing. Best wishes
Brad - so sorry for your loss, and for your wife's. What a wonderful tribute. Time will heal the pain but the memories will linger.
Jeff
Brad - It was a touching tribute to your father-in-law. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I'm suppose to be working and here I sit crying. I'm so sorry to hear of your lose. I'm happy you were able to have those last moments to share your love for eachother. Although, you were blessed to have him in your life, he was blessed to have you in his life. It's sounds as though he would have been proud to have you as his daughters husband.
Brad, What a beatiful tribute!! I am so sorry for you and your wife's loss. My husband and I have elderly parents so we know that time is coming but oh my it is hard to even think about. I'm glad that you had the time together with him before he passed on.
Brad, Beautiful tribute to your father in law. Thinking that he was pretty lucky to have you in his life. Thanks for taking time to share his life.
BRAD...I am so sorry...you have my deepest sympathy..I know what it is like to lose a parent I have lost both of mine...My heart goes out to you and your family....
Brad - what a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
My heartfelt condolences to you Brad and your wife on the loss of your Dad. There really aren't words that can express how one feels at a time like this. It is just really nice to know that you are not alone!
Kathy
Very nice tribute to "Dad." I was very lucky to have a father in law who was more like a dad. I still miss him.
Brad,
I am sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you gave him that hug.
Brad, this is a lovely tribute to your father-in-law. You have my condolences. I just watched a re-run of Frasier where the whole episode was about Frasier wanting to hear "I love you," from his Dad. Three tiny little words supercharged with feeling and emotion. So glad you and Fred were able to exchange them.
Brad: I read this the day you posted it, but as I was in tears, I couldn't comment. My own father passed away about six months ago, and for crazy reasons, ( I lost my passport ) I wasn't even able to make it to the funeral. I had seen him about six months prior, and I still feel that there was so much left unsaid. I never knew what to tell people in this situation, but now I know that just saying something is better than nothing.
I am truly sorry for your loss, and please pass along my sentiments to all your family. Be gratefull for the time you had.
Tere
PS. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Debra & Brad for sharing the celebration of your Dad's life with us. And how blessed all of you were to be able share your love with each other and to have been given the chance to express it out loud... Although his years were short here on earth his enduring love for his family and life is so apparent. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. May you find some peace and comfort in your Dad's love that lives on in you
Brad I know the feeling your wife and you must be experiencing, having lost my parents young. It has been 40 years since my mother passed away and there are still times when I know she is watching over us.
Having had the love of Debra's dad will stay with you both forever. My Blessing to you.
Brad - So sorry to hear of your loss. This is a beautiful tribute to your father-in-law. My thoughts and prayers go to you and Debra. God Bless.
Brad,
You wrote a beautiful tribute and I know your father-in-law would appreciate it...and I am sure it means a great deal to your wife. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I understand your pain. I lost my mother at 15 and my Dad has been gone now for 9 years. I miss them terribly and always will. But I also know I live on through them...
What a beautiful tribute to your dad. Wow! I have lost both of my parents and it is so hard. That hug will be the most precious gift he ever gave to you. enjoy those precious memories and God speed.
Brad, so sorry for your loss. That was a very touchng tribute. It is indeed hard to lose a parent. Both my parents are deceased, and I think of them every day..
Brad, I am so sorry for the loss your family has experienced. The loss of one's parent(s) is in fact earth-shattering and an event you never really get over. However, you and your wife were blessed to have had the special time you spent with him and over time you will find yourself returning to those moments with great fondness. Those times will also provide you with an immense amount of comfort knowing that he knew he was loved and that you were there to help him in his journey.
May you be blessed with peace and wonderful memories for many years to come.
Brad,
I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your father in law. It was fortunate that you were able to say goodbye and let him know you loved him. Again my deepest sympathies.
I wish you had posted this in, "Christianity and Real Estate", bro...I would have seen it quicker...AND you would have a LOT of prayer......come to think of it...this will be my first RE-BLOG...and that is what I am gonna do....
Hmmm... this post is not available to re-blog...... and I understand......
Can I post quotes from it to let the group know.......??
Please let me know, Brad......
Alex
Alex - thanks my friend, I'll change it now....
Brad, I'm sorry about your father-in-law. I've lost 4 precious men in the last year and a half (Wonderful Dad, Fun-loving Father-in Law, Beloved Uncle and Dear Brother) and I can relate to what you said about bariiers coming down. Life is short. It's important to enjoy our family and friends while we can.
I am sorry to reaad about the loss . This is a beautiful tribute to your Father in law. It brought tears to my eyes. I am sure the hug in the hospital conveyed the sentiment. He knew you meant to say Dad.
I did not see this at the time Brad, but as I am scouring your blog for a particular post.. I am sincerely sorry for your loss. You wrote atouching tribute to your father-in-law, my deepest sympathy to your wife and the rest of the family.